


The Only Way It Makes Sense

by Crushi2



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, Grief, Mentions of Samcedes, Santana's POV, mentions of Fabrevans, mentions of God - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2017-09-11
Packaged: 2018-12-26 15:10:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12061533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crushi2/pseuds/Crushi2
Summary: This is an old work from 2012 I originally posted on FF. At the time I was really annoyed with how Mercedes was being mistreated even in her absence, so this was my solution.





	The Only Way It Makes Sense

I knew she would miss her. We all did. _Do_. We all do miss her... and the way each of us dealt with it... well... it may not have been the best. It may even have been slightly unhealthy. But it was what we needed to do. And eventually we each worked our way through it because we knew it wasn't good for us to keep doing it, as much as we each loved her. But Britney... Britney's mind works differently. She's operates completely on emotion so the longer we let this continue, the more she believes in this reality as how it's supposed to be. We should have stopped it a while ago. I just didn't have the heart to do it. Besides, so much of this is our fault. She knows or at least knew at one point... but we held on to her for so long that i think Britney convinced herself none of it happened. But it did. And she has to let her go.

"You have to talk to her". _Speak of the devil or think of an angel_.

"I know. I just... where do I start? How do I tell her that you're not really here when she can see you as vividly as she sees me...when we all can?"

"You start with the truth. Then you break it down in a way that she understands. You're the only one who can get through to her, Santana. She needs _you_ , not me."  
********************************************************

We were backstage before my number in Grease when she made a reference to her. It was odd because none of us had talked about her since graduation... and then i realized who she was actually referring to... _Oh no. This is worse than i thought. Dammit I really should have talked with her about this long ago._ I laughed it off because it wasn't the time or place to deal with this, but it had to be dealt with, as painful as it might be to bring it all back up. I'd already called in a reinforcement, someone to help me stay strong in this and who could be another anchor in reality for Brit Brit. "Hey Brit, Q's coming to hang out with us tonight. Is that ok?"

"Quinn! When you'd get out of Jail College? Are you on probation for the semester?"

Quinn just smiled and shook her head "No Brit, it's Yale and yes I'm free for the semester. But probabtion means something different in college. Heyyyy San. I missed you girls. I miss all my girls. Even Rachel on occasion." While embracing, she whispered to me "we can do this".

I had been mulling over how to bring it up and what to say all day. In the end, I just decided to go with the advice from the source. tell the truth and then break it down. "Brit, we need to talk... it's about Mercedes."

"Are you feeling bad about having to take her part in the play tonight? I'm sure she understood San. It's not like you're Rachel, stealing everyone's gold. Plus, her parents pulled her out of it anyway. So it's ok."

"No Brit. It's not okay. I didn't play Mercedes' part; I played Unique's part."

"Right, but Unique is just the new name Mercedes uses since she came back from college. I guess she wanted to be a new person. I don't know why because I liked the old Mercedes just fine. She was nice and supportive. And she understood feelings like me, you could tell when she sung. But the new name is kinda cool. I've been thinking about maybe picking a new name for me since I'm a super-senior. Maybe a superhero name like TardisTubby because it's kinda like the teletubbies without all the weird and Lord Tubbington feels included too since he likes Dr. Who."

The mention of the way Mercedes sang momentarily paralyzes me, thinking back to the mesmerizing solos in the choir room. She left it all out there everytime she sang, bringing you to your feet or your knees with a single phrase. I only got to sing a duet with her once before...

Quinn must have known what i was thinking, because she jumped in to help finish the initial shock of truth.

"Britney, Unique is not Mercedes' name since she came back from UCLA. I know this is hard to deal with, but it's time to. Mercedes never went to UCLA... because she died after Sophomore year."

Britney just scrunches her brow and looks at me. I nod in affirmation. "Yes, Brit. You have to remember she was in a car accident with Matt Rutherford. They were coming back from a date and he was checking his phone for updates about the game. They were t-boned on the passenger side and Mercedes died at the hospital. That's why Matt changed schools. He couldn't deal with the guilt he felt..."

"But... San that doesn't make sense. She's been singing with us for 2 years since then. She just graduated last year with you, Quinn, and the others. She just left like everyone else." _ok. so now i get why she suddenly needs Mercedes again._ "We saw her all the time. Like when you did your duet with her and... The Trouble Tones! What about The Trouble Tones, San? Are you going to say that wasn't real?!"

"No, Brit, the TTs were definitely real and you're right, we did see Mercedes. But it wasn't the same Mercedes we knew. It was Angel Mercedes, Brit. Both of those times you mentioned - River Deep, Mountain High and the TTs - were times when I needed a friend to help me understand what I was feeling...about you. A friend who wouldn't judge me, would support me, and would encourage me. Mercedes was always that. Even when I wasn't the nicest to her, she had my back. So when I needed her the most, she came back."

"But...Artie, Rachel, and the try-outs. That's why the group was formed. Mercedes earned the role and they wouldn't tell Rachel no."

It was at this point that Quinn realized what I had already come to understand - Britney had been superimposing Mercedes into a lot of key scenarios to feed her need to see her and make it all make sense. So Quinn handled this one. "Britney, sweetie, that was Tina...not Mercedes."

".. but her and Sam. She sang to him a couple of times and he sang to her and they were sad because they couldn't be together. If she died after Sophomore year, how could that happen?"

"Simple, it didn't. Well... it did. But not really. Sam never met Mercedes. He knew so much about her because he dated both me and Santana...who loved her dearly. I lived with Mercy. She was in the room when I had Beth. She was the most genuine, giving, and forgiving friend I'd ever had. So her death affected me, I mean really affected me. All of that you saw me deal with - the depression, the crazy, trying to get Beth back even though I knew it was a bad idea... I was missing Mercedes, the real Mercedes. Sure we all had the Angel version. But there was nothing like Mercy. Her hugs, that smile, that laugh, her selflessness, her open heart. Beth was the last thing we'd shared together. She was my last memory of Mercedes. That's why I wanted her back. _damn, i never even thought about... Q lost her love._ I told Sam everything I could remember about her. I told him how she could make you feel better about everything and snap you out of your bull at the same time. And how, as talented as she was, she wasn't as confident in that talent as she should have been."

"That's how he knew so much about her, Brit Brit... so when he was going through the most trying time of his life and needed someone to be there for him and make him feel normal, Mercedes came to him as well. As selfless as she was in life, it just got even more magical in death. But she knew she couldn't stick around indefinitely. She couldn't be our crutches forever. When Mercedes sang "I Will Always Love You", it wasn't to Sam; it was for all of us. She was telling all of us that she loved us and wanted the best for us, but that she would need to leave soon. She couldn't stay."

"But...But... the duets with Rachel?" Britney was already in tears at this point. It was all settling in. She just needed to finish hearing it all to put everything in place.

"That was just Rachel..."  
"Being Rachel"  
"She always thought Mercedes would sound better doing showtunes than the music she liked to do... and she knew Mercedes was the only voice in the club that could challenge her on that level with those type of songs. So.. as much as she feared being outshined by her in real life, she needed someone who could make her feel the "power of the musical" or howeverthehell she put it. Point is, Aretha was there for the Hobbit just like anyone else."

"DON'T CALL HER THAT, SANTANA! You're telling me she's gone and all of this is just us mourning and then you're calling her names!" B was sobbing at this point. It physically pained me to see her so shattered. But this had to happen.

"Oh Brit... it was never a sign of disrespect. Mercedes really did have the talent of an Aretha Franklin... and i know it hurts. I know. We've all been grieving her for a long time. We kept her heavenly form pretty busy here. I'm sure God's just a tad bit annoyed with us for being so selfish with one of his Angels, one of his most magical unicorns"... she smiled, briefly, at that..."but I needed to get this through to you today because Mercedes came to me this week, after I hadn't seen her since graduation. She came because she's worried that you aren't moving on and that your current loneliness _well, that felt just fantastic to say_ is making it almost impossible for you. And you know Mercy. She won't feel right being a unicorn Angel for someone else if you still need her here...even if that means not being able to get her wings or see her rainbow."

At this point, she looks like there's something bothering her about it all, like one piece of the puzzle is missing. "Is that what happened with Mercedes and Kurt?"

"What do you mean Britney?" Q hadn't spoken up in a while.

"Well, Kurt and Mercedes were bffs, not like me and Santana because they didn't have sex...even though they did go out. But they were bffs sophomore year and then suddenly they didn't talk to each other much and he was new bffs with Rachel. I just thought she was holding his gold captive. But is that why their friendship changed? He needed a new Mercedes and Rachel was the best he could do. That makes me want to cry some more. Angel Mercedes was sad about him spending so much time with Blaine Warbler and ignoring her too."

"Yeah, she was Brit. But that's because she still holding on to us like we were holding on to her. We were her journey to acceptance as much as she was ours."

"So that's why we never met her mom and dad or brother or anything... even at graduation. Because she was only there in spirit."

"right"

"Mercedes is dead and has been for 2 years"

"Yes, Mercy's gone."

After a few moments of silence, Britney looked up at Q and asked "Quinn, did you ever tell her you loved her like I love Santana?" _wasn't expecting that, but yes inquiring minds would like to know Quinn_

"...Yes. After my car accident, she was in the ambulance. I told her then. I figured we were going to be together for a while and I finally had the chance. She told me she knew and she loved me too, but that I had a lot to finish here and I better not think about giving up ever again."

I had always wondered why Quinn would be texting while driving, knowing how Mercedes died.


End file.
